Swine flu is the new snow day.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
