I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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