I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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