Betty ford says i'm here all night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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