piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
