guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
