why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
