I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
