So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize