hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
