dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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