You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
