yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
