oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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