Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
