I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize