Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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