That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
