I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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