I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
