you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
