"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
