Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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