we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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