): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
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I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I want a musical about memes.
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