I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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