I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
