so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
