I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i barfeds in our rink
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
