I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
His nipple licking is glorious
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