There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
