I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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