I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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