I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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