and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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