bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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