we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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