He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
