Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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