Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
