make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
