so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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