My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
