you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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