I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
