bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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