the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
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I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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