Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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