I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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