So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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