Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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