everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
