Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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