did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
