did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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