i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
