Cold hands, warm shart.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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