she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
