There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
These tits shall not be calmed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
