I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
