I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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