I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
