He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
