she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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