The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
