Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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